Nostalgia

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Why do you hate me so much? Everything between the two of us happened a long, long time ago. We have both moved on, we are both in happy relationships. So why do you still hate me?

I was young, dumb, and wreckless during our time together. I couldn't hold my temper, I couldn't stay positive, I couldn't do all of the things you wanted me to... But I was only human. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I wanted to be. I was sick, sad, and lonely... But that was me years ago. I am a completely different person now. Well, not completely. My fun side is still the same and my humor has not changed. But I have grown in a lot of ways. I have learned to understand most things, I have matured. I grew up.

From time to time you cross my mind, and I wonder how you are doing. I wonder what you are up to. If you're happy, if you're sad... Sometimes when I think back on things, it just feels like a dream. A dream that had it's good parts and it's bad parts. It doesn't feel like it was real. Like any of it ever happened.

I haven't seen your face in over a year. I haven't really even spoken to you in over a year. It's weird... Being in love, being swept into a person for so long and then suddenly they're out of your life and they never say a word to you. It just doesn't feel all that right to me.

The last time I physically saw you was at the Japanese Festival, in Downtown. I didn't see your face. I saw you walk in the distance. I knew that walk, I knew that stride. My adrenaline pumped, and my heart raced. And I wish I could've said "hello"... But I knew you would've just casted me away. I know you really don't want anything to do with me, and I understand that. But... I wish you did.

I am over you, for the most part. You never really get over your first love. You will always hold a place in my memory and in my heart. As much as I hate you some days... You will always be there. And now I wish, a little over two years later, that we could reconnect and be on speaking terms again. But a wish is a wish. Something that rarely ever happens.

I just really don't understand why you still loathe me so. Times are different, I am different, I'm sure you are as well...

I know you probably wont ever see this, but I hope you do. I hope you see and understand...

~