Game Over.

Its over between Angel and I.

She decided that she'd rather torture herself and be miserable with her ex because she knows that she will never get over her and will never let her go.

So she let me go instead. The best thing that will ever happen to her.

She said that she doesn't want to hurt me anymore, so she has to let me go.

It is true though. All of the Ex baggage took its toll on me quite a bit. She did so many shitty things to Angel during our ten and a half month run, and before then too. But she would never let her go and STILL wants to be with her.

So be it. They can have each other.

I never really fit into Angel's world, anyway.

I couldn't stand her friends. She couldn't stand my interests and a good majority of my music.

Throughout our relationship, it felt like I was doing all of the fighting for us. It was a constant chase after her and near the end I was extremely exhausted from it.

Ten and a half months and I think three to four of them we were official. I don't regret anything though. I had the time of my life during those times. I met new people, made new friends, had a lot of new experiences, and learned that it is possible to fall in love more than once.

Life is going to be tough without her as my partner, but I will survive. I survived before... I can do it again. It wont be easy, though. Especially this time.

Angel became apart of me. When I'm not around her, I feel incomplete. Empty. I really hope over time I feel complete again.

If, in the future, she decides she wants me back (which I KNOW she will), I will make her work for it like I've worked for her the past ten and a half months. She will have to go through my mother first. Lol

Like I said... I do not regret anything. I love her very much and always will, but our time is up. For now, I'm going to just work on myself. Build my life back up. Pay more attention to my friends (the very little I have left), make new friends, work harder on finding a job and getting into school, and just work on me. Figure out what I want.

For now, peace.

Nostalgia

~

Why do you hate me so much? Everything between the two of us happened a long, long time ago. We have both moved on, we are both in happy relationships. So why do you still hate me?

I was young, dumb, and wreckless during our time together. I couldn't hold my temper, I couldn't stay positive, I couldn't do all of the things you wanted me to... But I was only human. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I wanted to be. I was sick, sad, and lonely... But that was me years ago. I am a completely different person now. Well, not completely. My fun side is still the same and my humor has not changed. But I have grown in a lot of ways. I have learned to understand most things, I have matured. I grew up.

From time to time you cross my mind, and I wonder how you are doing. I wonder what you are up to. If you're happy, if you're sad... Sometimes when I think back on things, it just feels like a dream. A dream that had it's good parts and it's bad parts. It doesn't feel like it was real. Like any of it ever happened.

I haven't seen your face in over a year. I haven't really even spoken to you in over a year. It's weird... Being in love, being swept into a person for so long and then suddenly they're out of your life and they never say a word to you. It just doesn't feel all that right to me.

The last time I physically saw you was at the Japanese Festival, in Downtown. I didn't see your face. I saw you walk in the distance. I knew that walk, I knew that stride. My adrenaline pumped, and my heart raced. And I wish I could've said "hello"... But I knew you would've just casted me away. I know you really don't want anything to do with me, and I understand that. But... I wish you did.

I am over you, for the most part. You never really get over your first love. You will always hold a place in my memory and in my heart. As much as I hate you some days... You will always be there. And now I wish, a little over two years later, that we could reconnect and be on speaking terms again. But a wish is a wish. Something that rarely ever happens.

I just really don't understand why you still loathe me so. Times are different, I am different, I'm sure you are as well...

I know you probably wont ever see this, but I hope you do. I hope you see and understand...

~

Holiday

"Holiday"

Oh she wants to be a stage star
Live the life in New York City,
Become the next Broadway Baby
But she's trapped in this run down town
I want to save her life,
Take her to where she wishes to be
Tonight will be the night I'll tell her
I'll tell her

If you ran away with me,
Everyday would be like a holiday
Valentine's, Christmas, even Halloween
Your life would be filled with gifts and surprises,
And every night a kiss that'll set your soul free
So run away with me,
I'll set you onto the stage
Close your eyes and sing
And let yourself float away
On our Holiday
Our Holiday

We're driving in my car,
Driving down the street
A billboard passes by,
Stressing the life of not being on your feet
She sighed in her grief,
Thinking about being a star
I stopped the car and grabbed her hand
And I told her,
I told her

If you ran away with me,
Everyday would be like a holiday
Valentine's, Christmas, even Halloween
Your life would be filled with gifts and surprises,
And every night a kiss that'll set your soul free
So run away with me,
I'll set you onto the stage
Close your eyes and sing
And let yourself float away
On our Holiday
Our Holiday

I want to take her away,
Put her mind as ease
I might not be completely on my feet,
But I will make it happen,
You will see...

If you ran away with me,
Everyday would be like a holiday
Valentine's, Christmas, even Halloween
Your life would be filled with gifts and surprises,
And every night a kiss that'll set your soul free
So run away with me,
I'll set you onto the stage
Close your eyes and sing
And let yourself float away
On our Holiday
Our Holiday

----

I just wrote this today. I had a tune in my head and went with it. Yay for some music progress~! Steal this and I will denut you. <3

~*

Viva Las Vegas

Angel and I went to Las Vegas last week for a few days.

It was fun.

Saw the Phantom of the Opera and the Tournament of Kings dinner & show, got scammed into buying a mug and a picture, got a water massage thingy, bought cocktails and margaritas, bought a new "toy"- Virgil II ;), played drunken chess, walked the Strip, saw Yoda and a Storm Trooper, almost got Gang-Banged by a bunch of crack-head black dudes, gambled and won $7, collected about a pound of the whore cards, touched a man chest D:, watched the Fremont Light Show, had loud crazy sex, got scammed by a psychic, over stuffed myself with mashed potatoes and gravy, lol'd at the Holden Townhall, "Do you think they sell M&M's at the M&M store?" XD, almost died driving down there because of the weather...

Yeah. That's about it. XP

Good 21st Birthday!

The fam got me a 32" HDTV and Angel got me concert tickets to Muse. <3

~*

Oh.

Angel and I are back together. She broke up with Tia for me. (: